To Be Whole Again
by Ember Sage
Summary: What would happen if something happened to Alice, what would Jasper do? Warnings: Character death and MAJOR ANGST! I hope you like it! :D AxJ
1. Jasper's POV

**Not S.M.**

**Warnings: Major angst. Hopefully it will make you cry or something... :D**

**JPOV**

I sank to the ground, falling to my knees.

She was… gone.

I… I couldn't breathe.

I felt human again… needing air.

My body felt heavy, I couldn't support myself.

My reason for existing was gone.

Gone, gone, gone….

The words flashed across my eyelids in rapid motion, mocking my pain, mocking my loss.

I clenched my fists, silently begging it all to go away.

For Alice to be here with me.

I shut myself down, I moved in slow motion.

Falling, falling, falling…

I could barely register the voices around me.

Jasper… they said. Jasper…

The sound sickened me. My own name made me want to vomit…

The world was disappearing.

Was it even possible? I don't know.

Was it possible for our kind to die?

To fall unconscious?

Well, this was as close as I was getting.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

Wanting it all to just go away….

Away, away, away…

I gasped.

My chest, my frozen heart….

It hurt.

It felt worse than when I was first changed….

If this wasn't death I wasn't sure what was.

It felt like someone had set fire to my heart…

It was burning like hell.

I squeezed my arms around myself.

I felt my head come into the contact with the hard ground.

It didn't even register to my senses.

It didn't even matter anymore.

Nothing did.

I stopped breathing.

I stopped hearing.

I stopped seeing.

I stopped caring.

I stopped being.

Behind my eyelids, all I could see was her face.

Her beautiful smile…

It made me want to scream

And cry

And laugh

All at the same time.

I had stopped breathing.

It was becoming uncomfortable.

Just one breath…

I took a deep breath, choking on the large intake of air.

Then I cut myself off again.

I didn't want to breathe.

I wanted to cause myself pain.

Or at least some discomfort.

Anything.

Then the vision behind my eyes changed.

Alice was looking at me, and saying…

"Jasper, come on, you don't need me."

And then she smiled once more and turned around.

She walked away from me and was fading, fading, fading…

"Alice!" I screamed.

My voice was… hoarse somehow.

"Alice don't leave me!"

I couldn't tell if my eyes were closed.

I couldn't tell if I was breathing.

I couldn't tell if I had said a word out loud.

"Alice…" her name. Her beautiful, beautiful name…

The pain, it was immeasurable.

It was burning in my chest, where my heart had once beat.

It was ripping me open, each memory a more painful tear than the last…

I wouldn't be able to survive this way much longer.

I had to find some way… to end it.

To end my existence.

I could barely feel the presence of the others around me.

I could barely feel their sorrow, their sympathy, their pain…

It was all so minute compared to my own emotions.

They were holding my limbs down, I was convulsing involuntarily.

Was that even possible?

"Kill me…" I slurred… my mouth didn't want to move.

I was shutting myself down.

I had lost half of myself.

I couldn't survive now.

The murmuring voices began to buzz.

I was not able to comprehend what they were saying.

"Kill me! Kill me, kill me, kill me!" I screamed.

I gasped and my back arched.

I wanted out.

I felt trapped here… without her.

The burning in my chest increased.

It was tearing me in two.

"No…. you'll be okay…" that was all I could understand of the voices.

But, they were wrong.

Sickly, extremely, completely wrong.

I wouldn't be okay.

I would never be okay.

Without her.

"Kill-!" I screamed and choked on my words.

Someone began sobbing.

The sound; it distracted me.

It calmed me, if only by a miniscule bit.

"Esme…" I spoke, not being able to tell if I was making a sound at all.

"Yes, Jasper," she swallowed her sobs and answered me bravely.

"Esme… please kill me… I can't live without her…"

"Oh Jasper…" she began to sob again.

But I couldn't feel her sadness, her pain.

All I could feel was my own pain.

Besides this, I was numb.

I was falling apart.

I was losing myself.

I had lost my reason for living.

The pain increased inside my heart tenfold.

"Someone, please just kill me!" I screamed, or at least I think I did.

Finally, the movement that I had been waiting for.

Carlisle's voice.

He was my father in a way… as Esme was a kind of mother to us all.

"You're sure Jasper?"

"Yes…" I breathed, choking on the air, through my sobs.

I couldn't feel anything now.

I was falling again…

Falling…

Falling…

Falling…

I felt a slight pull on my right arm.

I'm not sure if I cried out.

I know I didn't feel any pain though.

Not with my current emotional pain…

Another pull.

And another…

And another….

And another…

And then I was gone.

The black was replaced with a bright white light.

Was this heaven or hell?

And more importantly…

Was Alice here?

And then there she was.

Right in front of me.

"Jasper…" she chided with a small frown on her perfect face.

"I told you were going to be okay, you didn't need to do that…"

"But Alice," I spoke before she could continue.

"I couldn't live without my other half."

She smiled and spoke my name… "Jasper…."

It made me smile.

My name.

It sounded… so right on her tongue.

It made my heart swell in contentment.

"Alice…." I whispered.

And then we were okay.

We were whole again.

**I hoped you liked it. :D I know I know it was angsty... but I hope it was good.**

**So please review if you liked it, and tell me if you'd like me to do this in anyone else's perspective! :D**

**-Ember**


	2. Carlisle's POV

**Well... here is Carlisle's POV of the last chapter. I hope you like it. By the way... I am also planning on doing Alice's POV of this, and maybe a reversed situation where Jasper was the one that died. Review if you want me to do anymore besides this! I'm glad you guys seemed to like the chapter... and I hope this one is as good, or better.**

**Warning: Major Angst!**

**Not S.M.**

**CPOV**

The battle was over.

The damage was done.

I looked around at my family, silently taking inventory.

Esme, Bella, Edward, Emmett, Rose, Jasper….

Alice was gone.

My family gathered around me.

"Alice," I said quietly.

We looked to Jasper.

How would he take it?

She was half of him.

His reason for living.

Would he be able to go on?

He stood silent for a moment.

His eyes were wide.

Shocked.

He fell to his knees.

"Alice…" he whimpered.

We all watched him, his reaction.

Not willing to embrace the fact that she was gone ourselves.

She was the sparkling light in our family.

She kept us together, and happy.

What would we do without her?

His shoulders shook, his body trembled.

He took great gulps of air.

His eyes squeezed shut.

He was sobbing for Alice.

Sobbing for his loss.

Sobbing for his other half.

"Will he be okay?" I heard Bella quietly ask Edward, tears in her eyes.

He sighed.

"I don't know, Bella," he responded softly, "I just don't know."

Then, the sobbing stopped.

The clearing was silent.

Still.

He crumpled to the ground.

His head hit the ground, and he didn't even react.

I saw Esme flinch out of the corner of my eye.

She walked to me.

I held her gently against my chest.

Thankful it hadn't been her.

Was I a sick man for feeling this?

I don't know.

All I know is that I would mourn for the loss of my daughter.

And rejoice for the safety of my wife.

Jasper was shaking violently.

His arms hugged himself.

"Jasper…" Rosalie said, her voice pained.

She was trying to be strong.

Trying not to cry.

"Jasper…." Emmett said, gruffly.

He was trying to be tough.

Trying to show Jasper that we were still here.

For him.

"Jasper…" Bella choked out between her tears.

She felt guilty.

She was trying to show him we cared.

"Jasper…" Edward said, his voice scrunched in pain.

He could hear, and see, Jasper's thoughts.

But he didn't know half of what Jasper was feeling.

"Jasp-" Esme began.

She was trying to be caring.

To show him we loved him.

He cut her off though.

"Stop!" he screamed and began to sob again.

He stopped breathing again.

He kept shaking.

It was silent again.

The pain was almost tangible in the air around us.

It had reached out its burning arms.

And encircled Jasper.

Half of himself was gone.

His savior was gone.

His soul mate was gone.

His wife was gone.

Alice was gone.

"Gone, gone, she's gone…."

He whimpered breathlessly.

Then his shaking stopped.

He was still.

I stepped closer.

Was he back with us now?

Because he wasn't before.

He was somewhere else.

He was with his memories.

With Alice.

With his pain.

"Alice…" he breathed, relief in his voice.

Then he tensed.

I took another step forward.

What was happening to him?

To my son?

"Alice!" he screamed, his voice ragged with sharp edges of his pain.

"Alice, don't leave me!" his voice undid our shields we had around us.

Our pain let loose.

Rosalie trembled, still determined not to cry.

Bella hid her face in Edward's shirt.

Embarassed to cry, but mourning her sister, and crying for her brother.

Esme sobbed in my arms.

Whispering his name.

And my daughter's.

I stood silent.

Trying to be strong for my family.

For my son.

Edward stood still, holding Bella.

Trying to ignore our thoughts.

Remembering his sister.

Honoring her memory.

Emmett stroked Rosalie's hair.

His shoulders heaving.

He would miss his sister greatly.

She was the light of this family.

Jasper continued to sob.

His shaking increased.

His muscles were convulsing violently.

Was that even possible?

Then again, we were supposedly impossible.

Edward and Emmett stepped forward.

Kneeling down, they held Jasper to the ground.

To restrain him.

To show him they were there.

That they loved him.

He was their brother.

"Kill me…" Jasper choked out, between heaving sobs.

Protests arose in the previously silent meadow.

"Jasper…. No…. you'll be okay…" they said.

I couldn't tell them apart.

"No!" he screamed again.

"Kill me! Kill me, kill me, kill me!"

I stepped forward and knelt by his side.

I couldn't bear to see him in pain.

I could see that, no, he wasn't going to get better.

He would never be the same.

He was damaged beyond repair.

He had lost his other half.

But I couldn't.

I wouldn't.

Kill my son.

Then he spoke again, in a gentle voice, a pleading voice.

"Esme…" he whispered, his convulsions calming.

"Yes, Jasper?" she said, her voice trembling.

Trying to be strong for him, trying not to cry.

"Esme…" he said, and took a breath.

"Kill me… please…"

"Oh, Jasper…" My wife sobbed.

She had lost two children now.

Could she survive a third one?

But she had me.

I was still here.

I could still help her.

Jasper had no one, but us.

But to him, this time we wouldn't be enough.

We couldn't fill his current emptiness.

Only Alice could.

He needed her.

"Are you sure, Jasper?" I asked hesitantly.

I couldn't believe I was doing this.

But there was no other way.

No way for him to stop the pain.

Besides ending his existence.

To be with Alice again.

"Yes…" he breathed.

He took slow, steady breaths now.

He knew he would be okay soon again.

He would be with Alice again.

He would be whole again.

I nodded to Edward and Emmett.

Edward turned to Bella.

"Leave now, Bella." He said firmly.

She crossed her arms over her chest, standing firm.

"No… I want to be here for him." She said through her tears.

Their salty smell filled the air around us.

Edward sighed, but couldn't disagree.

He understood her pain.

He understood she wanted to be here, for her brother.

I pulled, gently at first, on his arm.

And again…

And again…

And again….

The sound of sobs filled the air.

But Jasper was silent.

We lit a fire.

I couldn't hold back my pain any longer.

I cried.

And my family and I stood together.

We stood by each other.

We mourned our loss.

Our losses.

Our brother and sister.

Our son and daughter.

Our friends.

Our family.

I whispered under my breath, knowing no one else would be able to hear.

"Jasper…" I said quietly.

"I understand, son. It was the only way for you to be whole again."

And I meant that, with my whole soul.

**I hope you liked it! Please review and tell me if you do. :D Btw, this is supposedly taking place at the end of Eclipse, I think. If that battle with the newborns hadn't gone well. So yes. I hope you liked it, and tell me if there was anything you didn't like about it, or if it was better or worse than Jasper's POV. Thanks for reading! :D**

**-Ember**


	3. Alice's POV

**I am BACK!!! *a crowd erupts in deafening cheers and applause* Eh hem... anyway... I'm glad to be back... just took a long vacation of my mind from my writing, focused on my novel for a while. I fervently hope that this chapter will be met with as much appreciation as the last two, and I hope I did it justice. Still have the poll on my profile of what I should do next, so if you haven't yet, please vote. It means a lot to me. Enjoy, and I apologize for the long wait.**

**-Ember Sage (Dang it feels good to be able to write that again! :D)**

**APOV**

The clearing was thick with battle.

Soaring bodies flew through the air.

I watched it as if in slow motion.

And then a vision hit me.

But it was too late.

The impact of the force of an imposing body nearly slammed me into the ground.

I made no sound.

Around the clearing, the pained voices of my family cried, "Alice!"

I made no sound.

I felt the sharp teeth at my porcelain throat.

I made no sound.

And I remembered.

I remembered the first day of my new life, my first memory.

Of my bewilderment, my confusion, my loneliness.

But also, I remembered my hope.

I remembered the strange man that appeared in my visions, his scarlet eyes and moonlit skin glowing under the fluorescents of a streetlight near the entrance of a dark alley.

He was grimacing, his eyes livid.

And yet… he was still beautiful.

And I remember waiting for that same man, in a small, extremely unsanitary diner.

The lights were flickering above, the thunder rumbling above, the lighting smashing and temporarily illuminating the surrounding darkness.

I remember the small silver bell placed above the door, and the hinges moaning and creaking as it had not been oiled in at least fifteen years.

I remember the worn leather material of the barstool, the edges frayed and beat after years of use.

I remember his expression, how guarded he was, how uncertain.

And I remember walking up to him, a spring in my step, oozing confidence and reassurance.

He was confused.

And I held my hand out to him, and he took it, and I began the life I was destined to live.

If only it didn't have to end so soon.

My memories then flash to our wedding day, the honeymoon, and the beginning of our lives as members of the "Cullen family".

I remember my bliss, extreme happiness, but I also remember Jasper's hesitancy.

Oh, how I had wished that he would be comfortable with us, and I know now how extremely selfish I had been then.

I only wanted him to be happy, but for me, happiness had only one definition, one route.

The Cullens.

The years flew by, and they had been filled with doubt, and struggles, strife and uncertainty. But they also had been filled with hope, and love.

And that was how I now wished to always remember them.

I felt the small, pearly daggers slip into my skin, taking firm hold.

I made no sound.

Cries filled with agony filled the air, thunder rumbling once more, as it had the day of my "creation", and the day of my new beginning, and now the beginning of my end, my demise.

I love you Jasper.

I felt no regrets, only that I had had a longer time here, with my family, and my love.

But what is meant to be, is meant to be.

Fate has no variables, nothing that is object to change.

It is set in stone.

I love you Jasper.

I hope that someday, he will be able to move on. To continue his existence, even if he is in struggle with his grief and pain.

I feel his pain, and I will empathize with his loss.

For I will have lost him, also.

But I will remain, with him, in spirit.

For no being, divine or otherwise, had the power, the strength, to separate, to divide, what had been decided upon long ago.

To mess with fate was a struggle made in vain.

I love you Jasper.

But somewhere, deep inside, I know it will not be long until I am reunited with my other half once again.

We are like the moon and sun, yin and yang; you cannot have one without the other.

I need him.

I love you Jasper.

And so, as the pain of those daggers once again registers in my mind, I send one last telepathic request to my brother.

_Tell him I love him, Edward_.

I hear Edward's cries, as he already mourns my loss, and the second of which he is sure will follow.

The teeth slowly begin to tear my granite flesh apart, and the world erupts into a magnitude of color.

Flashes and lights, rainbow and negative, fill the skies. The sound of the strife surrounding is muted, and what is left is pure ecstasy.

But also pain.

My view slowly lightens, and the colors fade, until what is left is pure white.

I look around in wonder.

The smell of burning wood and stifling smoke drift into the distance, and the sharp, extremely uncomfortable pain at my neck is no longer present.

I take one step forward, but sense so movement, no realization that I had come to a newer place than I had been before.

And I closed my eyes, but it was happy, and painful, because all I saw was my beloved's face.

His smile, his laugh, his eyes.

I loved him beyond comprehension.

Jasper….

I love you.

I sensed no passing of time, only the presence of the overwhelming abyss.

I wondered vaguely of what was happening, what sense of limbo I was currently in, but then, it did not matter.

It held no importance, only to satisfy my ever-present curiosity, and that was not needed.

And then, he was there, with me.

He walked toward me, and the surrounding light faded into vivid hues of oranges and reds, blues and purples, grays and yellows.

And I was happy, and satisfied.

I glowed.

The colors morphed to piece together pictures of our shared time together, depicting the small neck of woods we had been betrothed in, the small, secluded cottage for our honeymoon, the Cullen's home at the period where we had finally located them, our room at the present household, the airport of which we had been reunited after the longest and most frightening time of being apart.

The pictures flashed as he continued to stride toward me.

Both of our faces glowed happily, and my heart swelled, feeling as if it were about to burst.

The void was filled, the confusion and loneliness once more dismissed, and the comforting sense of belonging once more present.

I was whole again.

**I hope this satisfied your expections, and you enjoyed it. Please review and tell me what you thought. I am considering doing this also in Esme's or Edward's or Rosalie's or Emmett's POV (I'm not very good at Bella. :D) Thanks again!**


	4. Edward's POV

**Okay, I hope this chapter is as good as the others, it is the longest. This is the first one that actually made me cry. I hope you enjoy it, and please, please comment when you're done. :D**

**Soundtrack (good to listen to while reading): _My heart will go on - Celine Dion_ or _ Human - The Killers_ or _Halo - Beyonce_.**

**EdPOV**

Seth and I were just finishing up with Victoria and Riley when we heard the screams.

"Alice!"

I heard her thoughts.

I heard the thoughts of everyone in the clearing.

Jasper, "No, no, no, NO!!!"

My stomach clenched.

"Finish up here, and keep Bella safe," I told Seth.

I quickly sprinted to the clearing.

She was picturing her life, before and with us.

I ran faster than I had ever run before.

Not Alice, no, not Alice.

The thunder roared overhead, and the rain fell silently upon the forest floor.

My copper hair clung to my face, and it ran down my face like visible tears.

Not Alice…

"Tell him I love him, Edward."

NO, don't give up!

Dammit Alice, fight!

Her thoughts were fading.

The raindrops pounded against my skin, I choked on the moisture.

I felt like I was drowning.

Anguished cries filled the air, and the animalistic growling soon followed.

I heard the unmistakable metallic sound of one of our kinds' destruction.

Vengeance.

The blind rage and sorrow of Jasper.

Magnified by our own family's grief.

As he tore the offender's self apart, his thoughts were filled of her face.

He didn't even know what he was doing.

Alice…

I sucked in a breath, nearly blinded by my own grief.

Not Alice…

I reached the clearing shortly.

The rest of the newborns were gone.

The dark smoke curled into the dark sky, and the sweet smell filled the air.

I choked at the scent.

Alice…

It was as if I was watching all of this that was happening from a distance.

Like I wasn't even here.

It was all a dream.

The silent sufferings of those I loved filled my head.

Their voices were a roar, and the individual sounds blended together.

I made my way to where they stood, as if in a trance.

Jasper fell to his knees.

Alice…

His voice was the only one I could distinguish, for it was the most pained of all.

The terror, the loneliness, the hopelessness, it filled his thoughts, as did her face.

Alice…

I watched in silent reverence as Jasper and my family mourned.

I couldn't look away.

I didn't even turn my head when I heard my beloved run into the clearing with human Seth.

Seth's face was grim, and looked much older than his 14 years.

Silent tears ran down Bella's face as she stumbled over to me.

Seth stayed at the line of trees of the edge of the clearing.

He didn't want to interfere.

_I am sorry for your loss. _

That was all he said to me directly, because his thoughts were filled with his father's death. He empathized.

He knew how we felt.

And then he was gone.

The sound of paws hitting the ground faded into the distance, and a single wolf howled up, and the sound carried through the raging storm and driving winds.

I wrapped my stone arms around Bella's trembling figure, and she ran her pale fingers through my hair, muttering, "Oh, Edward…"

I looked to Jasper again.

His fists pounded the ground, screaming her name.

I felt disconnected, still as if this was all a dream.

Alice… where are you?

Why did you leave us?

We need you.

Alice, I love you.

Jasper collapsed on the ground, sobbing.

Esme covered her mouth with her small hand, trying desperately to hold back her own cries.

Emmett held Rose close to him, his large, muscular arms wrapped tight around her, as if she too, could be lost at any moment.

Carlisle stared off into the distance, deep in thought, and his mouth set in a pained line, his eyes tired.

I barely registered Bella clinging onto my t-shirt, her tears silently soaking the cloth.

Alice…

We miss you.

The noise surrounding the clearing was nothing more than a buzz now.

We were in our own little universe.

Jasper grasped his neck, and Carlisle stepped forward.

"Emmett, Edward."

Emmett and I stepped forward, grasping Jasper's hands before he could try and decapitate himself.

"Jasper, Jasper…"

The voices were undistinguishable.

His head hung low, his body shaking with anguished cries.

He did not struggle; he was weakened.

"I know, I know." The voices were attempting to comfort the man that had just lost half of himself.

Jasper screamed once again, "Alice, ALICE!"

I began to shake.

There was nothing we could do.

What could we do?

What could we do?

I needed to do something.

I couldn't stand this; not being in control.

I needed to do something.

I needed my sister back.

Alice…

Why did you leave me?

Why did you leave Jasper?

Why did you leave us?

The storm raged on.

Our clothes stuck to our granite bodies, but only Bella shivered.

Jasper, he was seeing Alice.

He was hallucinating.

Or was he?

Alice…

"Kill me, kill me, kill me!"

Jasper screamed.

I cringed from his thoughts.

Something needed to be done.

We could only prolong the inevitable.

I looked to Carlisle.

Our leader.

But now, he just looked like a 23 year old man, who had lost someone he loved, and he didn't know what to do.

Jasper, Jasper….

Alice. Why?

Why didn't we save you.

We let you down, Alice.

You didn't deserve to die.

You were too young.

Alice…

I miss you.

I love you.

We all do.

Where are you Alice?

Are you happy?

Are you alone?

Alice?

I need you.

Please come back.

We need you, Alice.

I hung my head, sobbing quietly, still hanging on to Jasper.

The rain slid down my face.

The world was quiet.

It moved in slow motion.

Alice…

We'll never move on.

Emmett will never laugh as much again.

Rosalie won't be the same.

Bella will be lonely.

Esme will nearly die.

Carlisle will work more.

Jasper won't move on. He won't want to live.

I love you Alice.

Be happy, Alice.

We miss you.

We love you.

Jasper screams again, struggling in our arms.

"Kill me, kill me, kill me!"

"Jasper, it'll be okay." I don't know who spoke.

He screams again.

His pain is immeasurable.

He began sobbing again.

I stare up at the dark sky.

The rain still pours down, thunder crashes.

Mourning the loss of an angel.

Never a monster.

We miss you Alice.

Jasper spoke.

Emmett and I are still restraining him.

"Esme," he chokes out.

Esme looks up from her hands and smiles, her lips trembling.

"Please, kill me Esme,"

Esme looks at him in shock, her slight smile frozen.

"Kill me," Jasper moans.

Esme sobs into Carlisle's chest, her shoulders shaking up and down.

Jasper is screaming silently, "I want to die, I need Alice, I can't survive without her, Edward, it hurts."

"I know, Jasper."

Carlisle steps forward.

"Are you sure, Jasper?"

He can't believe he's doing this.

But he knows how much pain Jasper much be in.

He sympathizes.

He would want the same if Esme was gone.

Though it pained him to do so.

He was going to kill his friend.

His son.

"No, Jasper…"

"Carlise, no…"

"Allicccee…."

The voices whisper, barely carrying through the air.

The pain is unfathomable.

Carlisle steps forward.

Esme cries harder.

Emmett steps away and goes to comfort Rosalie.

I stay with Jasper and Carlisle.

I look to Bella.

Go, I tell her silently.

I know she can understand.

She shakes her head, tears still streaming down her face.

I sigh, but I understand.

She wants to be here for him, for me, for all of us.

"Are you ready, Jasper?"

He chokes out a sob.

"Yes," he says in his head.

He is silent now.

Still.

He is comforted, knowing he will be with his one true love soon.

Carlisle puts on a brave face, holding back his own cries.

I kneel beside Jasper, gently touching his shoulder.

Be happy, Jasper.

I love you, brother.

Jasper closes his eyes, slowly, as Carlisle grips his right arm.

Bye, Jasper…

He's coming Alice.

He loves you so much.

We all do.

Be happy.

Don't be lonely.

Take comfort in each other.

Know we miss you.

We love you Alice.

We love you Jasper.

One last fire is started.

The cries of my family, my loved ones, increase.

We have lost two parts of our souls today.

We will be grieving for what will seem as if for eternity.

But yet, we will take comfort, knowing that they have each other, wherever they may be.

And we know that they would want us to be happy, even if they are not here with us.

Alice will be whole again.

I love you Alice.

**Well, I hope you liked it. Maybe you even cried, I don't know. :D Please tell me if you liked it though, or constructive critisism, or even just who I should do next! Thanks for reading!**

**-Ember Sage**


	5. EmPOV

**Not sure if this one is as good as the others, but I hope it is, because I really love Emmett, he's just really awesome, so I hope I did him justice. :D I apologize I've been taking so long to update, it's been rough these past couple of weeks. :D And I apologize also, because I said I was doing Esme's POV next, and I did Emmett's. I hope you guys like this though, and please review at the end, because I can't decide if I should continue on with the rest of the characters for this scene, or move on past it. So, please review, and I hope you like it! :D**

**-Ember**

**EmPOV**

Alice was gone.

My sister was gone.

And she wasn't coming back.

I stood, in shock, not accepting what was going on around me.

Alice…

Rosie, God how I loved my wife, she came to stand by me.

Her hair was dark from the rain, the tears glistened on her pearly skin.

She looked up at me.

"Emmett, make her come back to us,"

That was what her eyes said.

Because, to her, I was some kind of superhero.

I could make the world alright again.

Always.

But this time, I couldn't.

No matter how hard I tried, Alice wasn't coming back.

Alice…

Jasper tore the offender apart, piece by piece.

He had no idea what was going on.

It hadn't sunk in yet.

Kill, kill, kill…

That was what his eyes said.

His hair was dark from the rain, too.

It fell over his black, black eyes, and the moisture dripped down his face, like silent tears.

Alice…

We'll never be the same, without you.

I miss you sister.

So much.

And I will miss Jasper.

Because I know he is soon to follow.

He can't live without you.

He just can't, Alice.

Somewhere inside of me, I'm angry with you Alice.

For leaving us.

Because we need you, Alice.

And I'm so angry, and I'm angry that I'm angry.

I don't even make sense anymore.

Rosie clings to my wet t-shirt, sobbing, trying not to drown.

In her grief.

And I have to help her, I have to save her.

But right now Alice, I have to save myself.

And somewhere deep inside of me, I'm almost… happy.

Happy that I know that there is somewhere bigger and better for us out there.

Because that's where you are, Alice.

You wouldn't have been able to leave unless there was somewhere better.

You only deserve the best, sister.

You are an angel.

We love you Alice.

I love you Alice.

I miss you.

And I hope that, wherever you are, you aren't too upset with us.

Because we didn't save you.

You aren't with Jasper anymore.

But you will be soon.

He can't live without you.

And I hope you aren't too sad for us, because we deserve it.

We deserve it so damn much.

Because we didn't save you.

And now I'm angry again.

With myself.

Because I'm your friend.

Your brother.

I was supposed to be there for you, always.

But I wasn't.

I couldn't save you this time.

I let you down, Alice.

And right now, I hate myself.

I hate myself for doing that to you, and Jasper, and all the rest of them.

I wasn't good enough this time.

I wasn't strong enough.

I wasn't brave enough.

I wasn't fast enough.

I wasn't paying enough attention.

I just wasn't enough.

I don't think I am a superhero, after all.

Alice….

I'm so, so very sorry Alice.

I hope you know we love you, we all do.

We always do, always did, always will.

We won't forget you, Alice.

Are you afraid Alice?

Are you afraid we'll forget you?

We'll never forget you, Alice.

We'll always miss you.

I'll never be the same again.

Rosalie, she lost her first sister.

She needs you too, Alice.

She needs someone to be honest with her, to tell her when she's being cruel, and to comfort her when the pain is too much.

We need you, Alice.

Come back.

Please…

I choke out a sob, shuddering violently before again regaining my composure.

I am back.

I grab hold of Rosalie.

She is shaking.

Even though she's not cold.

And Jasper…

My poor brother.

He punches the ground.

Again,

And again,

And again.

Pound.

Pound.

Pound.

Alice.

Alice.

Alice.

He screams up into the sky, but I can't hear it.

I can't hear anything.

Except the rain, falling on the ground.

And the wind, it whispers to me, mocking me.

She's gone…

She's gone…

She's gone…

I hold tighter to Rosie.

I have to save her.

I will never let her go.

The thunder booms, the lightning cackles overhead.

I hear nothing.

I squeeze my eyes shut.

This isn't real.

It isn't real.

This is just a nightmare.

Because, if I accept that this is real life, I accept Alice is really gone.

And I can't do that.

I just can't.

Rosalie shakes in my chest.

She's gone through so much.

So much pain…

I feel like she could break at any moment.

I feel like I'm losing control of everything.

Everything used to be so… perfect.

It was all so perfect.

Almost too good to be true.

I cursed at myself.

Because I didn't realize how good I had had it.

I was spoiled.

I let it slip away…

I wanted those times back again.

I wanted them so damn much it hurt.

I couldn't move.

I didn't breathe.

I began to shake, clutching Rosalie even closer.

Because, I realized, I could lose her too.

At any time, when I least expected it, when I wasn't there, when I wasn't ready.

I couldn't let that happen.

I had to protect her.

I had to be her superman again.

I needed that.

To be in control again.

Jasper sobbed, still pounding the ground.

His mouth formed the name of his beloved, but no sound came out of his mouth.

He was in so much pain…

So much pain.

He dug his fingers into the grounds, the hard terrain swiftly turning into fine sand.

Jasper… stay strong my brother.

I tried to be comforting to him.

He must be feeling so much.

His emotions and our whole family's.

How much longer would we make him suffer?

My question was answered…

"Kill me, please, someone just kill me!" he screamed, choking out the words.

The thunder was deafeningly.

The world was coming back.

Reality had returned.

He put his hand to his neck.

He was going to do something himself if we didn't act.

Alice… help him, please.

"Emmett, Edward."

Carlisle's voice was pained.

He knew now what he had to do.

But that didn't mean he resented what he would do next with his entire being.

Edward and I stepped solemnly forward.

Edward was barely holding himself together.

I had to stay strong for my big brothers.

I had to stay strong for them.

Edward and I helped to restrain Jasper.

He… he barely had the strength to struggle against our grips.

He cried out again.

My resolve faltered.

Stay strong…

Stay strong…

It was my duty.

I was… the rock of the family.

Someone they could always depend on to "lighten the mood" and make the stupid, aggressive mistakes.

It was who I was to them.

But that wasn't all of me.

Because, I felt pain too.

When I met my singers, I had killed them both.

I didn't have the same strength as Edward.

I didn't have the experiences that Jasper had.

I didn't have the carefree, absolutely blinding beauty of my sister passed.

I did not have the emotional strength of my own wife; I was weak in my own eyes.

I did not have the compassion of Carlisle.

I did not have the love Esme had.

And so, I needed to be a constant.

I needed to always be there, for all of them.

But secretly, I felt pain, as much as they did.

I missed my home state of Tennessee.

I missed my human family, at times, no matter how large and obnoxious it actually was.

I resented myself for not being able to give my Rose what she truly wanted.

I hated myself for not being good enough for her.

And now, I learned, I was not even constant enough to save my own sister from a damn _newborn. _

I was despicable.

I was not worthy to exist.

But I had to.

My family had already suffered so much pain.

I didn't think they could take anymore of it.

And so, I would do my best to go back to being a constant.

Because that was how they needed me.

And so that was how I would be, until my own existence was ended.

Carlisle stepped forward.

He was really doing this.

He was going to kill Jasper.

My brother.

Hang on a little longer, Alice.

I wonder, if you're upset with us or not.

Do you want to be with Jasper, or do you want him to stay here, with us?

I guess we'll just have to trust our guts.

He coming Alice, and you better be ready for him.

'Cause he's going to need some patching up after all this.

He's really broken now, Alice.

Shattered.

But I trust you'll be able to fix him up just fine.

Just like you've done, so many times in the eternity you lived here on Earth.

And I know how much he was always so truly grateful for that.

He lived for you, Alice.

And now he's dying for you.

I hope you don't forget us, Alice.

Because we really do love you.

So much.

And we love Jasper.

Our existences were changed the day you two came dancing through our front door.

Just know… that we love you.

Always have, always will.

Love.

Sometimes, when my heart is bursting like this, I feel like all my feeling can't be conveyed with that little four little word.

Like it isn't enough for all that I'm feeling.

But for now, you'll just have to trust me.

And I'm happy, Alice.

And Jasper.

I'm happy you're whole again.

**Sooo... I really hope you liked it... and please review! :D**


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